Naruto Did What!
by distraught.hallelujah
Summary: Sasuke heard from Sakura who heard from Ino who heard from Choji who heard from Tenten who heard from Lee who heard from Guy Sensei who heard from Kakashi that Naruto has just bought a slave. Squad 7 one-shot.


Naruto Did What?

Sasuke spit out his juice all over the floor, his eyes wide in surprise as his mind processed what the pink-haired medical ninja in front of him had just told him.

"Naruto did what?" he demanded. He couldn't have heard right. It must all be a mistake. He was sixteen, so his ears were going. That would be the only explanation. There was no way Naruto could possibly have been stupid enough to do what Sakura just said Naruto did.

"He bought a slave," Sakura repeated, looking down in distaste and Sasuke's juice, which had puddles around her shoes. "I heard from Ino who heard from Choji who heard from Tenten who heard from Lee who heard from Guy-sensei who heard from Kakashi-sensei. Apparently Naruto was out and he came across a slave market, so he bought a slave. He was planning to free her, but she's eternally indebted or something."

"It looks like I was mistaken," Sasuke grumbled as he took a leisurely sip of his juice. He knew all too well that both Sakura and Ino would gladly volunteer to be his own slave if he wanted one, but there was a reason for why no one in the Village Hidden in Leaves was a slave driver. "That blond bastard really is stupid enough to do it. Where is he anyway?"

"The Hokage's office," Sakura replied. "He's asking Lady Tsunade if he can keep her. Everyone else is there to watch. If you ask me, this bodes ill."

"Of course this bodes ill," Sasuke commented. "Naruto can't take care of a hamster, let alone a person. She'll drop dead before the week is out. Just wait; he'll forget to feed her or something, not to mention work her to the bone."

"I don't think Naruto is that bad," Sakura said indignantly. Sasuke settled his unnervingly cool dark eyes into her hazel eyes, and Sakura blushed. "I mean, a human can take care of herself, unlike a hamster."

"Is she useful, at least?" Sasuke wondered aloud.

"Apparently so," said the voice of their teacher behind them. Sakura jumped in surprise, but Sasuke was unfazed. "She can juggle," Kakashi finished from his spot on the railing behind them. "And correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe she can cook. The Hokage is torn between gyoza and sushi for lunch, not to mention whether to let Naruto keep her. He wants to name her 'Ramen-a'."

"Oh?" Sakura asked thoughtfully. "Well, she might be good for Naruto after all. I mean, all he eats is ramen, so a good cook could sneak some vegetables into his lunch. She probably has her own name, though."

"It's decided," Sasuke said firmly. Sakura and Kakashi glanced at him in surprise. "Naruto does not get to name anything, ever," Sasuke finished. Sakura stifled a giggle.

"Well, he could name her Tori," Sakura suggested. "It means 'Bird.'"

"Don't tell me you actually think he should keep her," Sasuke said, aghast. "Naruto can't keep a slave in the Village Hidden in Leaves. It's just… wrong."

"She's great with kids," Kakashi continued thoughtfully.

"Well, what's done is done," Sakura retorted. "If Lady Tsunade decided to let Naruto keep her – and I'm not saying she will – then Naruto gets to keep her. End of story. We don't really have any say in this. I do wish we did, because I would probably side with Sasuke on this one, but we don't, so… yeah."

"The one thing I don't get is this," Sasuke continued, turning to Kakashi. "I don't get to take over the world, but Naruto gets a slave. How is that fair?"

"Don't ask me; I'm not your mother," Kakashi said, putting his hands up defensively. "As far as I know, the Hokage is leaning towards 'no'; however, Naruto won't let the matter drop. He spent his entire savings on this slave girl and he's not about to let his frog go hungry for nothing."

"A frog?" Sakura asked, frowning slightly.

"That abomination of a wallet," Sasuke clarified. Sakura nodded as understanding crossed her face. She shrugged.

"Apparently she can also read and write," Kakashi continued. He was ignored.

"Well, shall we go see what the verdict is?" She asked cheerfully. "I'm sure Lady Tsunade said no, but just to be sure, we should probably go check on Naruto. The poor thing will probably be all melancholy because he wasted all of his money."

"True," Sasuke said agreeably. "Let's go."

They turned to go and stopped when they saw their teammate racing up the road towards them. A breathless-looking girl trudged after him. Naruto looked far from melancholy as he met up with his team, grinning hugely.

"Guys," he said, gesturing to the girl, "meet Ramen-a. She's my new friend. Granny Tsunade said I couldn't have a slave, so this here is my maidservant. She cooks, cleans, juggles, babysits, does the laundry, and did I mention she cooks?"

"Naruto, you idiot," Sasuke began. Naruto held up a hand to stop him.

"Any argument you have with me, please take it up with my new maid," he said, and turned to jog cheerfully down the road. Ramen-a resolutely pulled a notebook and brush from a pocket in her simple dress and found a small jar of ink. She dipped the brush deftly into the ink.

"Squad 7 fellow member Sasuke Uchiha," she said, copying his name neatly at the top of the page. "You may continue with your argument." She looked up at Sasuke expectantly, her brush poised above the paper. Sasuke's eye twitched as he watched his fellow team member disappear down the street.

"Naruto, you idiot," Sasuke finished.

The End


End file.
